Facebook Friends or Foes?
A family member and I been having an argument. Not a bad one, we haven’t yelled or screamed at one another about it, but we definitely have been dancing about the boundaries of polite conversation. Not dancing well either. And sadly, it is over something generally considered to be, and more truthfully, unimportant.
Facebook.
I do spend a bit of time on the site, however I will clearly state for the record that I am not an addict. (And no I do not protest too much.) I do not ignore my family and friends for FB time, and I also prefer a nice lunch out together than an online chat session. Still, I am a notorious procrastinator, and will check on my FB before, during, and after my homework. But that would put FB on the same level as laundry and dishes – a reason to step out of my brain for a second or two . I love Bejeweled Blitz and Words with Friends. And nothing has given me greater pleasure than posting photos of friends and family at a recent wedding.
But at the same time, I am not interested in having my profile and photos to go public; no one else needs to see pictures of my children running around in their bathing suits at camp from this summer. However, I will still readily admit that FB has enhanced my life in surprising ways.
I’m generally a private person. Although I am very, very comfortable in a classroom setting or in a writer’s chair, as a rule I have always been somewhat of weirdo. Not in the sick, creepy way, but I can be awkward, I often am not sure what to say, and I make strange jokes that not everyone finds funny. In person, without liquid fortification, I am often caught with my verbal pants down. Also, I unfortunately am a member of a peer group who is at a certain stage in life where they spend most of their free time carting around kids and/or elderly parents. It can be sometimes extremely difficult to connect with friends at all. I am in the middle of life and I will tell you, it’s a busy place.
To make matters worse, I am more of an idiot on the phone than in person. I want to know what you need and then I must get off the phone. I am not interested in carrying on a conversation while children are yelling and dogs are barking in the background. I do not have the phone filter required to maintain a chat in the midst of chaos and for that, my friends, I am sorry. To add to my social inadequacies, I have also been known not to answer an email or a text with any expedience. It’s not that I don’t want to talk to you trust me – it’s not you, I swear, it’s me.
Luckily, I have a social savior, or more accurately, an ally in arranging easier social interactions. FB friend requests have put me back in touch with people I generally don’t get to see, people for whom I have saved a seat at my kitchen table, but I never quite forced myself to make an awkward phone call, “yeah, uh, hi, this is Sarah. Do you want to come over for pizza Friday night? Yes. Okay see you then. No, I don’t want to talk anymore. Bye.”
Status updates and uploaded photos keep me in touch with what is going on in their lives, so instead of spending those first few moments together before the wine is able to create that magical magnanimosity, you can ask about that Red Sox game they went to, or mention how big their three year old has gotten. And best of all, there is a modicum of control as to who and what you are interacting with, I may hide someone, or unfriend them, if things get too strange, or their posts cause recall about why I stopped being in touch with them in the first place - yes, I’m looking at you, Mr. KnowsWhoHeIs.
And most importantly, and more rewardingly, I have had multiple students who have contacted me through FB.
Many of these kids were from my LEHS days, some of these kids were from my days at Breed or waay back at Marshall Middle – all of them posting how they were doing in college or high school or work; telling me how much they have missed me; all of them eager to report their success. It has been wonderful to see how these children have grown up and I value that they consider me, not necessarily a friend, but perhaps an ally. They have asked me for advice, they have messaged me with questions about reading or grammar issues or how to tackle a paper, because they see me as a resource and they know that I will point them in the right direction. Isn’t maintaining this mentor-mentee connection a goal of teaching? Aren’t those teachers for whom we felt that connection the reason many of us became teachers?
There are of course exceptions - on both sides of the fence. There are students who have sent a friend request that I have messaged quite simply, “Do you really want me to read your status updates?” Most of them have understood that even in this forum I continue to be a mandated reporter and a responsible adult, I ignore the request and we move on with our lives. Not that I don’t worry about them. I’m just not stupid.
My family member thinks I may be stupid. He/she in fact sees FB as a danger, particularly in regards to teachers, citing the cases of teachers posting inappropriate status updates about their weekend drinking, or questionable photos of them in various states of undress. He/she worries about relationships with students crossing boundary lines. I get it. I do. In this day and age, teachers may perpetually be one wrong post from a sexual harassment lawsuit. I try to argue about levels of privacy and appropriateness, but I understand he/she has a valid point.
But, I say, If there is a medium where we know the kids are spending their time, why shouldn’t we be there? Shouldn’t we be a presence, even if it is a background one, in their lives? Shouldn’t we seek out ways to connect with our students in a place they feel comfortable? And please, please tell me, when did teachers lose their status as role models in the community and become creepy, or potentially criminal?
I know! I know. It’s a delicate issue.
I have been in contact with several of my teacher friends, not just in Lynn, but in other places. In the past few years, several school systems have made changes so that all teachers must post syllabi, long term goals, projects, schedules and daily assignments, allowing for greater transparency for parents and administrators. I have long been in favor of web presence and despite certain grumblings about changing their usual routines, the general teacher response was mostly favorable. I have often noticed that most teachers are willing to explain and show what they are doing, what they hope to accomplish and what they have found out from their students. And parents are most often eager to see what is happening on a daily basis with their kids. It was a great idea.
But unfortunately, no one is able to see it.
The most of the school systems have sites that are not easily accessible. The login process may be unintuitive and cumbersome, and it is difficult for parents and even some of the kids to navigate through the menus to find their classrooms. Simply putting up a website and having the teachers participate is not enough to create the desired transparency. Many teachers I know, who thought that the website would ultimately streamline their processes, are now in conjunction with the original grumblers, who are now correct in their naysaying, “It’s a waste of time.”
FB is friendly. FB is populated with most of the parents in the school system, maybe we wouldn’t necessarily want to see the parents’ status updates of weekend drinking or photos in various stages of undress, but we do know that it is a forum in which to reach them easily.
In David Friend’s literacy article on the Daily Nonpareil, First-graders use Facebook as a Learning Tool, Friend gives an example of a classroom using a page as a “teaching tool, recapping lessons and ‘synthesizing concepts’” – a highly valued educational goal – as well as a “way for parents and students to communicate.” The class’ page was “100 percent private. You have to be accepted as a friend of the page and to be accepted you have to have a connection. We control everything going onto the page.” Friend even comments on the fact that it works because FB is “familiar. Many already know how to use Facebook and now their kids can’t say ‘I don’t remember what we did in school today.’”
I am convinced that both socially it is important that children realize that FB is not a parent-free, adult-free forum, a place to say or do whatever they want. There is no mythical Neverland where we don’t know what you’re doing, kids. It didn’t exist when I was a kid, pre-Internet and it doesn’t exist now. They, and now We, ALWAYS KNOW.
And in fairness, the same goes for you too, Mom and Dad. I must also emphasize that parents and adults also realize that FB is the social media equivalent of being out in Times Square, and if you don’t think that it would be a good idea to be seen with most of your clothes off in that very public place, it probably isn’t a great idea on FB either.
